Mood Off Buddy......

Not in a mood to write today. Yesterday I got a “jor ka jhatka”. I am now the only guy working in the information management section of our research team. My colleague yesterday suddenly announced that he has taken a release from the project and is joining a different project. He was looking for some other project silently. I was completely surprised when I heard that he is leaving. Good for him. I have to handle things all alone from now on. Not a big deal! I have always responded to the so called Call of Duty. I will deliver! have done tougher things before. But the only issue is I will be completely alone…nobody to discuss things...nobody to chat a bit..nobody. But such is life! Everyone works from Kolkata while I am the lone ranger from Delhi…kind of Last man standing. Only good thing is that my boss at Kolkata is a nice person. OK I know you not interested to read this personal ranting and blah blah…so let me stop this.

Let’s talk something interesting. Two interesting things! First one is something I read in the newspaper today related to Copenhagan chaos in progress. USA has 745 cars per 1000 person while India has 12 and Bangladesh has just 2. I consider myself supremely blessed. I own a car. And so are you. In India we all who own a car need to bring our carbon footprint down. I guess the way petrol prices are inching up we will soon be forced to take ‘passengers’ in our cars. As far as I am concerned I am clean. I share a ride with my travel writer friend. So we both are carbon free. But we see lot of people driving big SUVs all alone. These guys need to be caught and penalized. But then I guess I am sounding too harsh on our Fellow Indians. We just have only 12 cars per thousand! What about the bloody Americans? They are lecturing us in Copanhagen to reduce our carbon footprint! Come on Obamaji! Our carbon emission is 93% less than yours. First set your own house in order and then lecture us. I think Indian government is doing its bit. There is hope in the form of Jairam Ramesh. All my support is with him. Sometimes he does a bit bakwas..but its fine. Without bakwas he will cease to be a loving Indian…no offence but little pagalpan is fine. Between us.

Second interesting one is regarding an American commentator. I have always considered theses Americans to be crazy people. People who do not have any morals, ethics and are outright greedy! People who are continuously screwing each other. Wife not gelling well with Husband, son finding solace in the arms of a prostitute, daughter more comfortable partying naked than spending time at home. Kind of crazy society..Pole dancing all the way! Ok my view may be blurred...once in a while who doesn't like a Poledance? The serious problem is with their views? An American commentator called Glenn Beck today in Fox News has told that our sacred river Ganga ‘sounds like a disease’. He said: "One big river they have there, that sounds like a disease. Come on, it does. I mean if somebody said, I am sorry, you have a really bad case of Ganges." His program also aired a clip of an American women saying that healthcare in US is fucking costly. She had gone to Delhi to get a surgery done. This surgery if it was done in US would have cost her around $40-50000. The commentator justified the high price by saying Doctors in US were trained in elite institutions like Harvard while doctors in Delhi were students of some college like ‘Garja Raja medical college’. So obviously there will be a price difference. Stupid! Isn’t it? This is America. Bloody bloodsuckers! Unfortunately most of the Indians feel blessed when they land in US. And most of them do not want to come back. They want to be citizens of USA. That’s what one can call patriotism! Sare jahan se Achha…USA humara.

No Magazine! Its Scotch For You!

My friend has returned from US without getting me the things that I had requested for. I had told him to get me a copy of ‘The New Yorker’ and ‘New York Times’ paper. Although these are available online but feeling the real things is a completely different experience. So had requested him to get these for me. But he decided not to buy them because he couldn’t digest the price. Both of them cost $5. So it like Rs 250 in our Indian currency. According to him, paying 250 bucks for a magazine or a paper is a criminal offence. Milions of people are without food in India and it will not be morally correct for me to spend such a princely amount on a magazine or a paper. So he decided not to buy them. Instead he has got a bottle of scotch for me. When I asked him what about the hungry poor Indians….he told the bottle is food for the mind and the soul and cannot be counted as wastage of money! What an argument! I checked the bottle for the price. It was costly!! When I asked him why did he get the bottle which is so costly he told that a similar bottle in India will cost around Rs 5000 or a bit more. he got at almost half the price in US. So it was profitable. And besides he has read (where he has forgotten) that Khuswant Singh drinks Scotch regularly. And he is a famous writer. So as I aspire to be a writer this scotch will do me wonders in my literary journey. Amazing viewpoint and insight! So much concern! I guess that is why from my childhood he still remains my best friend!

Ab mein ja raha hu Talli hone! Bhar mein jaye writing shiiting. Bhar mein jaye duniya….mein talli mein talli mein talli go gaya…………….

Me and My Minimax!

One thing that I have always been denied in my childhood is Perfume. My mother always used to tell me that perfume is the student’s worst enemy. It robs the urge to study and makes the mind wander. And I couldn’t say much! So I used to satisfy myself by using Lux. In fact I used to rub it hard! Twice, thrice..at least some fragrance should come out! Till class VIII things went fine but soon it got difficult for me to resist the urge of wearing some kind of perfume. Most of my friends used it. I dreamed of perfume day and night! Rose, sandal, lavendarm…jasmine…When will my day come?

In class IX when I went to my Grandpa’s place during my Puja vacation, I got myself a bottle of Agaru. I did not buy this. Neither can you call ‘Agaru’ a perfume. It is basically a kind of Holy perfume used in various Pujas, specially Durga puja. My grandfather who was a priest had ample stock of these Agaru bottles. The smell was more or less ‘Temple’ like – something similar to the Panchavati incense stick mixed with something else. I cannot explain. All I can say is it was different. Something which had enough punch to make you stand out in the crowd.

I started using this. My friends laughed at me smelling this ‘holy’ smell. Luckily the smell was there for an hour or so. Unfortunately I got caught. I was such a fool that I used to keep this bottle in my school bag. And one day the bag fell from the table and the bottle broke. And soon the entire flat became the abode of ‘holy’ smell. And the source of this smell was split wide open. Strangely my mother did not scold me. Neither my father. My father who at the slightest pretext liked twisting my ears let go of this wonderful opportunity. What’s wrong guys! My mother told me politely not to use ‘perfume’. Everything comes at a time. And when I grow up I can use lots of perfume. Nobody will stop me. Then she told something interesting from Rabindranath Tagore’s childhood. Rabindranath was born in a rich Zamindar family. But unfortunately all throughout his childhood he was denied pockets! I mean his pants didn’t have pockets. His father instructed their home tailor not to make any pocket in his children’s trousers. He felt that pockets are wastage of clothes. It’s simply not required! The values of frugality was imbibed deep within little Rabindranath from an early age. I put my hands inside my pockets. I will not allow anyone to deny me my pockets! I didn’t get the finer point. I lacked intellect.

Like a Cat, soon I forgot all the ‘gyans’ from my parents. I started using my father’s after shave lotion as perfume. And this time when I got caught my father twisted my ears. Both the ears. At highschool I finally mustered enough courage to buy a small bottle of Minimax perfume for Rs 5. Again I got caught. But this time nobody told me anything strict. Mother just told me to wait till the time comes. Till I get established and start leading my own life. She didn’t take the bottle away. I don’t know what happened to me but I never used any perfume after that. I still have the little ‘Minimax’ bottle with me. In 2005 when I came to Delhi for my first job, I got the bottle with me. I applied it once only to find that this perfume is not at all suitable in this megacity. People kept staring at me at my very first day at office! Thanks to Minimax! The smell was too strong. It was more like ‘Ittar’ than a proper perfume. I tried experimenting a bit. Got some cheap stuff from the local market. But realized they are not the ‘in’ thing. Unfortunately there was no one to guide me to the world of perfumes. It was simple trial and error method. Soon I got introduced to the thing called ‘body spray’. And I got an ‘Axe’. I liked the smell but not a single girl got attracted. The ‘Axe’ advertisement claimed something similar. Then I moved on to Park Avenue. Then to Lomami…finally settled for Playboy.

Today after five years I have almost a collection. Nothing too expensive but I have enough of varieties in my stock. But the bottle of that Rs 5 ‘Minimax’ remains! Its smell makes me remember my childhood, my hometown, my school, and everything that accompanied me lovingly towards my transition to adulthood.

Inside the mind of Google

Today I saw a program in CNBC called ‘Inside the mind of Google’. And I am afraid. I am terribly afraid! All my online secrets can go public anytime. Well I have nothing to hide! I am an honest tax paying citizen. I am not affiliated to any banned organization. And I am straight too. But then once in a while I have searched google for sizzling stuff. Who doesn’t man? But then if this kind of information lands up in my close circle…well its embarrassing. Even you, my friend is not safe. Your secrets can come in the public too. Nobody is safe…nobody. And this is all courtesy Google, which is arguably the world’s most powerful company. How come most powerful? Well, it deals with data…highly sensitive data. We live in the age of information where knowledge is power. So if I know more than you I am powerful. And Google knows more about everyone than anybody else. So it’s the most powerful. Correct?

Google stores the search ‘strings’ we use. It stores it for 18 months tagged to the IP of your PC. And after than it moves it to anonymous category. So if someone asks Google who is the person in India searching the most for kinky stuff online…or who something else...well Google has the answer. Any question, The answer is with Google! You may shout ‘Hey this is Blatant violation of privacy’. But who cares buddy? The emails you send, the chat you do over Gtalk, your orkut activities, and now the new Google Wave. All are getting stored. And Google says they are doing this for research and fine tuning their codes. So far so good. But what if this data gets leaked or falls in the wrong hand. Till date Google has taken User Privacy very seriously. But what if few years down the line it just decides to change its policy. And any company is not built to last. What then? In the US Google is bound by law (Patriot Act) to share any information about any individual or group if the government demands. And it is also bound by similar laws in other countries. What if the Government misuses the data? Eric, Google CEO in an interview told that Google will share the data with law enforcement agencies if required. The user can be sure that his private information will not be misused. He is absolutely safe. Google respects user privacy. But if the user has done something wrong Google can possible share the info. If the user has done something, the user shouldn’t have done it in the first place itself. Interesting view!

A lot of User rights activists are saying that Google is sharing user data covertly with various companies. Might not be true. Might be true. I am nobody to argue on this. But today when I decided to open a Facebook account an interesting thing happened. After giving the basic information and my email is, Facebook prompted me to add few friends who I might know. It gave a list of 25 people. And I knew each of them. How did they do it? I had given my gmail id as my login email. Did it get all the information based on this email which is again linked with Orkut? How did they access my gmail? What the hell is going on! I have deactivated my Facebook. I will deactivate my Orkut too. I will start writing letters once again. No more scapping and emailing. Pen is mightier than Google!

Poor Bhagat!

Don't Chop it off Dude!

Chetan Bhagat is a furious man these days! His royalty check is going down day by day. And he blames it on piracy. Come on Bhagatji! Your book officially costs Rs 90. And in book stores and online it’s available between Rs 60-70. So printing pirated copies of your book does not make much sense Sir! Your recent book ‘Two States’ is simply not worth reading. So people are not buying it. Period. Your own BPO crowd seems no longer interested in your hype and hoopla. Poor You! And the way you twittered about Piracy and blocked people who supported piracy…Oh man grow up! Its simple supply and demand economics at work. I give you a small example. You know Amitabh Ghosh I believe. His books are generally priced at around Rs 400 (Don’t fall from your chair. Literary bigshots don’t sell their books at Rs 90). And pirated copies of Amitabh are available for Rs 100. I have two copies of them. Why did I buy it? Cause I could not afford the original ones Mr Bhagat. You think me to be an inferior person…right? That’s what you told in twitter..its something like “if you do not have the capacity to buy a book do not buy it. No point in pirated book. It kills the Indian creativity and makes people look west ward”. Mr Bhagat why don’t you tell this to the crooked and greedy publishers. Does it really cost that much to print a book. So Chetanji, if someone offers a product which is almost similar in quality with the original at 1/4th of the original price….shouldn’t I buy it? Tell me? There is a website called http://www.ebookee.com/. Visit this website sometime Mr Bhagat. You will understand how piracy helps! There is a Photography book which I always wanted to buy…was not able to buy because it was priced at Rs 2500. In ebookee.com this book’s pdf version was available for download. Free. I downloaded it and read it. And I am happy. I know somebody might be upset because I didn’t buy the book. But then they have priced it so high that even if few copies sell its enough profit for them. So Bhagat grow up! And next time try to write beyond your IIM. Enough of it! We all are fed up. And price your books below Rs 20. It’s genuinely worth that money.

My Grandpa's Gift

I miss my grandpa. I am sure everyone misses their grandpa. And for a variety of reasons. Some miss their jocund company, their constant love, their ability to console us when things look bad and scary. And the naughty kids who are now grownup might miss them for the constant shielding they gave against the parents, who were hell bent in making them study. I miss my grandpa for his huge stock of stories. During every school vacation I used to go to my mother’s hometown. And i always found grandpa waiting at the bus stop…arms wide open. I was his pet. Every night before sleep he used to tell me stories. Stories of numerous ghosts he had encountered in his life time. Stories of those ghosts who were still staying in the nearby mango trees, in the surrounding bamboo trees around the pond and also in the Banyan tree which was just at the entry point to the house. I was awe struck. Every morning I used to go near those trees and observe them closely. Grandpa told that in morning the ghosts simply vanished in the air. They start getting their shape with the sunset. And when the sun is gone for the day, they come back to their respective shelters. Children who did not listen to elders were taken away by these ghosts. Children who did their studies well were given various gifts. I was convinced. I was a very convincible kid. Out of sheer greed to get a gift I used to finish my vacation homework daily. And grandpa also told that those who read storybooks were ‘good kids’ according to the ghosts. And he got me all kinds of Bengali storybooks from his school library. I used to read them devotedly. Initially I didn’t like to read but soon the reading bug bite me. And before I could know I had turned into a voracious reader. Every night I used to sleep thinking tomorrow I will get the gift. Finally I got the gift. One winter morning I got up and found a toy pistol beside my pillow. I ran to my grandpa. I ran to my Grandma. I ran around the house jumping up and down! Oh the joy…the jubilation! Even the people who win the Oscar or the Noble are not as ecstatic as I was! After breakfast I ran through the entire village taking the pistol with me. I showed it to everyone. A gift from the ghost. Some laughed; some encouraged me to do my studies well so that I can get more gifts. I kept getting various gifts every year. This went on for few years. Soon I was old enough to catch the trick! It was my loving grandpa who was playing the good ghost. The ghost who encouraged me to study. The ghost who inspired me to spin yarns. The ghost who made me understand that the book is the man’s best friend. I was taught by my grandpa that anything that your mind can conceive, you can have. It's a reality.

Twenty eight years of my life has now passed. My grandpa is now seventy five. Still going strong, full of energy. I have moved out of my home state long back and now meet him once a year…that too for few hours. Life has got busy for me. But then a man needs to earn his living. Today more and more, when I single out the person out who inspired me most, I go back to my grandfather.

And God Bless the United States of India!

India is in the process of becoming USA….sorry USI. Confused? USI stands for United States of India. Well it will remain a democracy but it will be no longer called the Republic of India. Now if this happens will it be good for us? I don’t know. But one thing I am sure it won’t be good for the country as a whole. Only the politicians and their families will benefit from this. There will be more Chief Ministers, more departments, more expenditure…but then we honest tax payers really don’t have much to do. I guess we lack energy in bringing about the change we need. It’s the classic Catch22 situation. Everybody wants to do a ‘Rang de Basanti’ but who will bell the cat?
Kudos to that opportunist K Chandrasekhar Rao. His party morale was at all time low. His political future was at under the cloud. His back was against the wall. So what he did? Just went in a hunger strike! And look at the lovely Congress leadership under noble Soniaji. Instead of tackling the situation iron handedly they readily agreed! Ballabhai Patel must be crying! Our home minister was more concerned about this Rao’s health than the health of India. But then how can he show concern for the country? Just dive deep and you will figure it out yourself how he won his election! So after the 11 days of fasting, Rao has got what he wanted. He deserved to die but then GB Shaw has rightly told ‘God is the greatest comedian of the earth’. Instead of death, Rao has got a separate Telengana state. The 29th state of India. So simple pressure tactics have worked with the central government. This congress government can take decisions very boldly these days. There is no opposition. BJP is too busy putting its house in order! Hey Ram!

Now as an Indian I do not want to debate where the formation of Telengana is justified or not. Cause if I say this is not justified there will be thousands of arguments thrown at me including the one which will proclaim how Telengana region was brutally exploited by people from Andhra. And honestly they may be true to a certain extent. You cannot clap with one hand…right? But the concern is if today it is separate state for Telengana, tomorrow it will be some different state. I guess Subash Ghisingh is already chalking out his plans for Gorkha Land. It’s going to be easy for him. All he has to do is fast. I agree it takes courage…fast unto death is not easy. But then most of these politicians are not suitable for anything apart from their old shitty politics. So better to die than going jobless and beg. So we Indians should be prepared for many more independent states in the future. The politics of internal partition of India is very dangerous for unity of the country. But then who cares. The Chinese and the Pakis must be mighty pleased seeing this Telengana development. In fact Chinese must be scolding the Pakis saying “You see you just wasted our billions developing those nuclear bombs. You do not need nuclear bombs to screw India. They have enough people inside their country to screw it up. Return our money”.

So friends gear up. Be prepared. It’s high time we be ready for a new development – “United States of India”. God Bless you! And God Bless the United States of India.