I am growing older every day. Three years back I had no grey hair, was very slim and had lots of ideas. Well, now the first two points remain invalid. I am living my late 20s life now and soon I will hit the 30s. And once I reach 30 my greatest fear will come true. I will go to the Uncle category. In fact yesterday a young fellow already asked me “Uncleji Swanirman Vihar kis side hoga” (Uncle can you please tell me, which side Swanirman Vihar is?). Honestly, I felt like trashing that fellow. “Salley tujhe mein uncle dikhta hoon”, my heart shouted out although mouth did not obey the impulse. I pointed to my left and walked away. I guess the guy wanted to tell “Thank you”. I didn’t require his Thanks.
I have to do something. Time is running out. I am growing older every second. Every moment is precious. My biological clock needs to be controlled. Amir Khan is 46 and nobody dare to call him an Uncle. And post Gajini nobody even dares to make eyelevel contact too. Eight packs. Eight deadly packs. May be I should get some packs. Instead of packs I have a tummy. Shame on me. God! You listening? Give me some packs. But shouting to God is no use. It’s me who is responsible for the chaos in my body. Home to office and office to home. Read newspaper, watch a little TV, do a bit of writing, eat, drink and go to sleep. Well one cannot expect a deadly Amir Khan body based on this sedate lifestyle. I have to do something.
When I was in school we had to study Shakespeare’s As You Like it. There was a monologue by melancholy Jacques regarding man’s life. He compared men and women as actors and the earth as a huge stage. Every man plays his part and his part is divided into seven stages: infant, school-boy, lover, soldier, justice, pantaloon, and second childhood, "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything".
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. “
I have been an infant, school-boy, a lover (and I got my wife in the process), a soldier (working with a MNC with an ok type salary). Now I will enter the justice stage but I guess I have some time left before I can be the justice. In today’s context, justice is like the Vice president, Director or some big shot manager. As I am yet to be a manager so technically I still remain in the soldier category, maybe in the advanced stages. I have to prolong this. I would like to be a VP of a company and earn more but in the process do not want to lose my youth. What’s the point of becoming a VP when people will call me an “Uncle”. What’s the point of earning money when I am just an old man. Yes as I progress in my life I will get more power, more money but these are useless without the vitality of youth. And in case I become very powerful I might get lot of young power hungry girls but again what’s the point of getting them when you are no longer capable. Viagra was made for the Uncles not for people like us.
But I cannot change the nature of life. I am born to die and that is my destiny. There is no solution, which will prevent me from becoming an Uncle. At least I I’ll try to be a good sexy uncle!
