Condom. Bindass Bolo!

Despite government’s best efforts to promote condoms, buying a condom still remains a big pain. In a recent ad we see few elderly ladies and a parrot shouting at the man for feeling shy to say the word “Condom”. The ladies tell him to shrug off his shyness and ask for a condom unashamed. “Bindass bolo” they say. Great! After all there is nothing to be ashamed in asking for condoms. But the reality is bit different once you visit the market. You don’t find too many encouraging people saying “bindas bolo”. Ninety percent of the condoms are sold from the neighborhood drug stores, grocery stores and pan walahas. Now the problem is that majority time the people you meet inside and outside these shops are not the “bindass bolo” types. You go to the drug store. You find lot of customers inside. You come out and wait. You keep waiting for the crowd to get thin. Ah! It’s empty. You rush in but two more fellows get inside with you. Oh no! An aunty walked in and positions herself beside you. What you do? Most of the time you end up saying “One strip of Gelusil please”. You come out. Same story in other stores. The grocery shop, the pan walah, all are too crowded. Where are the Bindas Bolo ladies? Enough is enough. You muster up courage and walk in to the drug store and say “Ek Kohinoor dena. Chota wala” (Give me a Kohinoor. The small one). All eyes roll despite their best attempts not to roll. Human nature after all. After all somebody is going to have a blast, so eyes will roll. Jealousy? Admiration? I don’t know. Sometimes the store guy will not give you the condom if there is a lady present inside. Once she walks out, you get your prize. Patience you must have.

The best place to buy condom are the Departmental stores, the big ones like Big bazaar, Spencers etc. But to ease the process you must buy some other stuff too. Now you can always do that isn’t it. Enter the store, get a carry basket, pickup few biscuits, Maggie, fruit juice, a coke and pick up the condom of your choice. All the brands and varieties are up on display. You just pick the one you like. In fact the more you pick up the better for you. I mean if one can stock biscuits packs, there’s no harm in stocking few condoms extra! Once you are done, walk up to the billing counter. Pay and just walk out with your stuff. Mission accomplished with minimum damage to the civilians. No more obstacles now between you and that ecstatic moment. Enjoy! Topi Pehenke! (Wearing the cap).

The Dog!

I have seen dogs almost everywhere. The road dogs can be seen in the streets, in the parks, inside society complexes, outside malls and restaurants, near dustbins and almost all other public places. The more fortunate ones, i.e. the expensive breeds, which people keep as pets can also be seen at lot of places, in the cars, in flats, in flights, in five star hotels, in airports, stations etc. But today I saw a dog in the most unimaginable place possible. As I woke up in the morning, I removed the window curtains. And behold, there was the Dog on top of the roof of the five storied building opposite our block. No one was nearby. Besides, going by the look it looked like the street dogs. It was all alone. What the hell is it up too? The way the dog was standing at the roof edge was dangerously. Akhsay Kumar’s image flashed in front of me. He is used to dangerous stunts but the Dog is not Akki. I came closer to my window. It came more nearer to the edge and looked downward. What? Was it attempting suicide? You cannot blame him. The condition of our country in the hands of our politicians have deteriorated so much that even dogs are finding it hard to live here anymore. So the dog has reasons to jump down and give his life. I desperately wished it come down. But it showed no sign of retreat. It was walking to the right side where the water tank was. Why was it walking right? I rushed to the balcony and shouted “Hush hat hat jah jah”. The security guard looked at me from the park. I pointed him towards the Dog. He raised his lathi and shouted “hat hat”. Soon a couple of other voices from nearby flats shouted “hat hat jah jah hush”. Soon it was a cacophony of multiple voices targeted towards the dog, which unfortunately was least worried. He kept walking left and right at the edge. It was a dangerous scene. I guess it was mustering the courage to jump down. After all it’s not easy to part with one’s life easily. Suddenly it jumped backwards and in a minute came down and ran towards the society gate. The security guard pursued it with vengeance. I was relieved. I Wish I had recorded the entire episode in my camera. But as goes the saying “when the thief is gone, ideas flash”.

Management Consultancy

I have a fascination about management consultants. In fact the division I work with is full of these elites. I am always surrounded by these people, which makes me more and more interested in their work, in their life. Yes, I aspire their positions, I aspire their salary, and I aspire their lifestyles. They keep moving around the globe just as I keep shuttling between my home and office. Unfortunately I do not have the skills neither the qualifications to become one. But there’s no harm in aspiring. No harm in dreaming.

But I have one suggestion to all the companies who keeps hiring the management consultants. Before hiring they should try to look for solutions using the company resources. These guys are paid exorbitant amounts for the work they do. It’s a fact that these people are overhyped. Most of the times they visit the company, keeps interacting with the employees, ask for their suggestions and then recommend the best suggestion as a solution for the problem. And they get paid to do that. Most of the times if the company shares the problem in an open forum with its own employees; an innovative solution will come up and free of cost. But companies are too much fascinated by these management consultants. Yes, they may be good. They are intelligent. But hiring them comes at a cost. So it’s always better to look inside your company for a solution before seeking external help. The companies press the panic button too early. But anyway I will not at all mind getting into the shoes of some management consultant. After all I also love money. As far as the required qualification goes I am thinking of getting an MBA. But when I do not know. Till then I will continue with my dream of becoming a management consultant.

Meeting Mr Bra!

An office friend shared an interesting incident with me. He and a few others had requested their project manager to release them from the current project as they found it no longer challenging. They were all in IT support and for the last one year they were doing the same task and no learning and growth were taking place. They had their valid reasons. The project manager called the group of disgruntled souls to come and visit him. They went. The manager was busy and asked them to come to his cabin after one hour. They came again. The manager was busy inside chatting on phone. Five minutes, he gestured by showing five fingers. The gang entered after five minutes. The manager asked them to take their seat and asked them “So why do you guys want to leave”? “Sir, we don’t have much work. Besides, IT support gives us very limited learning opportunities”. “Sir we want to go into software development role and so not keen on continuing with IT support”. “Our ratings have remained at the average 3 for the last two appraisal cycles.” They told. The manager stretched his hands sideways and pushed his back and went in a reclining position in his chair. Then after few seconds he sat straight. “Well where do you want to see yourself five years down the line guys?” he asked. “Software development, Business development roles” were the answers. “And what kind of salary growth are you expecting during these five years?” the manager looked at them like a cat, which watches a rat from a far distance before going for it. He had definitely something in his mind. “Sir around 12% growth yearly”, one of them answered. “Absurd. Increase your expectations. You have heard that saying, aim for the stars then you might reach the moon. Increase your ambition fellows. Read Anthony Robbins. Just 12% expectation will get you just 2%. And you know although our company has huge brand name it pays very less. This working life has nothing great to offer you young fellows. Stand up and be different. Get yourself counted among the elite. Salaried class always will remain poor and dissatisfied. Anyway, please come back to me after lunch. Hopefully we will find out a solution”. They left. A lot was going through their minds.

They entered the cabin post lunch. A fat fellow in his mid forties was sitting beside the manager. He looked a bit like the actor Boman Irani. “Friends this is Mr. Sanjeev Bra. He will tell you something very interesting and helpful”, the manager declared. How can a person’s title be Bra? Sanjeev stood up and shook hands with all of them. Then he introduced himself as a senior fellow working for Amway (the famous MLM cosmetics brand) earning more than a lakh every week doing nothing. He started some eight years back when Amway had just entered the Indian market. All he did was recruit five Amway distributors just like him. These five went to add more distributors and the chain kept getting longer. Right now he has more than a thousand Amway distributors under his down line and he keeps getting commissions from the products getting sold by the chain. He has visited US, UK; all expenses paid by Amway. And he requested them to take Amway distributorship by just paying Rs 5500 and then carry the Amway success story forward within the company. They will soon earn like him in lakhs without making much effort. All they have to do was to recruit some more distributors who are good and have good contacts. They will soon go places.

The guys were shocked. What a project manager? They couldn’t say No directly so bought some time to think it over. The Amway fellow wasn’t much happy. He knew these fellows are unlikely to be Murgis (hens). The guys came back. After lot of dilly dally and inspired by fellows like me who want to create a revolution in the world they decided to report this matter to HR. After all it’s against company policy to solicit business inside the company.

The manager’s behavior is understandable. These types of fellows (exceptions are there) who joined the company quite some time back have suddenly found themselves in big positions. They do not have the requisite knowledge to perform in today’s dynamic work environment. So they delegate their work and sit idle reading news papers and chatting away the office hours. And the fault lies with the company management because instead of pushing meritocracy they went with seniority while appointing project leaders. Colonial hangover still continues with the elderly population of India. And lots of these people are in management positions in various companies. So the manager’s mindset was decipherable. But one thing that keeps baffling me is that how can a person’s surname be “Bra”. My enquiry in this matter continues.

The Panty Picker!

Today two good friends of mine came down to my place for lunch. After lunch we were chatting and having some drinks when the doorbell rang. I hate to open the door when I am drinking. But I cannot ask my friends to open the door. So reluctantly I opened the door. A lady, in her mid thirties was standing there. She stays in the 3rd floor flat. I have seen her before. She told “Sorry to disturb you. A cloth of mine has fallen in your balcony. If you can please get it for me”. “No problem”, I told and went to the balcony. Nothing was there. I looked again. There it was. I picked it up. It was a brown colored panty with black dots. Looked like somebody has washed it as it was wet. Now this is odd. How to give this panty to that lady? It was quite embarrassing. For a second I thought let me call that lady inside and let her take the panty away. But then I hesitated. What to do? I looked at the panty again. It seemed quite large. I picked it up and handed it over to the lady. The lady thanked me and went away but I could feel that even she was embarrassed. Once I closed the door my friends gave me a pervert look. And then one of them told how could I give that panty so easily. I should have asked for proof. She should have stripped down and wore the panty in front of us and then she should have been handed over that panty. Noble thought but heavily influenced by alcohol. But the Idea wasn’t that bad, what say friends? Everybody has the right to some fun. Isn’t it! So from today I can proudly say I am the panty picker.

No Saree No Salwar: I don't want to be an Aunty!

Yesterday I was roaming around in the mall with my wife after having an early dinner. A group of girl along with some uncle and aunts were coming from the opposite direction. They were discussing something and everybody voiced their voices ferociously. It looked like a walking fish market: never seen such a rowdy family. When they came close to us, I heard a skinny girl say “Mein to kabhi nahi Indian dress pehenungi. Bakwas, puri Aunty lagti hu Saree Salwar mein. Skirts Jeans sahi hain mere liye”. (I will never wear an Indian dress like Saree Salwar. They make me look like an aunty. I am comfortable in jeans and skirts). She was wearing a pink skirt, black Pullover and Black slacks. And she had heavy makeup. She made me remember a vamp character which I had seen recently in some movie. I think this lady should be immediately sent to England. These days there is a tremendous increase in these types of characters who consider Indian dresses as devoid of fashion. I felt pity on her considering her physical structure. Thank God she is not wearing a Saree or a Salwar. Let’s preserve the Saree and Salwar for those Indian ladies who are really sweet, beautiful and who do not openly say Indian dresses make them look like a “Behenji”. Thank God no RSS VHP member was not nearby. Else this skinny vamp would have been lynched.

Their way of crossing the street!

Delhi has the widest roads in India. In simpler term, the best roads. But like entire India, one thing is common in Delhi. The roads are not only meant for people and their vehicles, it is also for the animals. Generally two types of animals are mostly found, one is the cow and other is the dog. Every day while going to office I spot quite a few cows and dogs crossing the busy streets. You must be wondering, what’s new in this? We all see animals on Indian roads, its common. I agree. But I want to point out the difference in their way of crossing street.
A dog moves swiftly. You will find him waiting for the traffic to be a little light and once it finds the front stretch a bit empty, it runs like a Cheetah. It runs hard until it’s on the other side of the road. No problem caused to the drivers. No problem caused to the people around. The operation is over in a jiffy. Like the Rapid Action Forces, swift and fast. Why do they run so fast? It fears been run over. After all it does not have the body to scare away drivers. A cow has that. If your car hits a cow, you are in trouble. No one cares for the stray dog.

Now how does a cow move? The Cow’s movement is totally different from the Dog. The Cow has a big body and is blessed with eternal bliss. I have never seen a Cow moving around worried, tensed. Bindas. Now how does it cross a street? One step at a time. It looks towards the destination and ventures out. I have seen it to be a little careful when buses or trucks move. Other vehicles are no cause of worry. One step at a time, it crosses the street least bothered about the running traffic. Daredevil Akhsay Kumar animalified (personified). Sometimes to make matters worse, it stops. The traffic stops too. After all it’s not a dog. You cannot just run it over and say it was just a Dog. So you wait and honk the horn. “Hat hat, jah jah”, people shout. No effect. The cow remains as it is. Soon it starts urinating and then the famous Cow dung comes out. Chhop Chhop. Then somebody gets down from the car and hits it at its back. It moves a bit, more hitting, more steps and soon it’s out of the street. This is the way the cow crosses the street. You will never see it run. One step at a time is the mantra of its life.

Our government must immediately recruit some traffic police for directing this animal traffic. And I am sure our traffic police will be efficient in this. But they might simply not agree to do this as cows and dogs do not have money with them. Their Challan business will not flourish. Hope Sheela mam does something.

I will not wait. Why? Are you the PM?

Today I was waiting for my turn at the ICICI ATM when suddenly a man came from nowhere and stood in front of me. I was standing a bit away from the glass door to facilitate the exit of the man who was inside the ATM. Now this man stood in front of the gate. I looked back. There were three more people behind me. Going by the protocol, this man was supposed be behind all of us but now he was standing in front of the gate, ready to go inside the ATM once the guy comes out. I was a bit puzzled not sure how to resist the guy from going inside. I am kind of an introvert. The situation was quite odd for me. But this is not the first time I am seeing these types of characters. India is full of them and these types of nuts are mostly seen in Delhi and Mumbai. “Me first, me first. I will not wait” sums up their attitude. Complete morons! Couple of years back I wouldn’t have mind. Today I did mind. Nobody was saying anything. India is full of these types of people too. “Hone de yaar, Janne de yaar” types. Let it happen, no hurry man. But I was in hurry. When the guy inside the ATM came out, the nut tried to enter. I told him “Boss I am in line, please excuse”. He gave me a shocked angry look. Did I commit a blasphemy or what? I entered, withdrew the money and left. The man tried to enter now but the guy who was waiting behind me told him the same thing, which I told. “Boss I am in line”. The man gave him a threatening look and took his position at the end of the line. Behind three more guys.

The problem with our generation is most of us taking lot of things for granted. If only everyone stood for their rights, India will soon be a much better place to live. All you need to do is follow the line and not break the rules. Yes, sometimes breaking the rules is necessary to achieve something. But you shouldn’t break the line when lots of fellows are standing in a line, waiting for their turn.

The fool Naqvi!

Once an obscure politician from Rampur, Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi's rise has been meteoric. Fielded by the BJP from the predominantly Muslim constituency in Uttar Pradesh, to appeal to secular sentiments and to project a gentler face to the minorities, Naqvi, is now popular face in BJP and Indian television.

Now friends, this person’s bread and butter come from politics. So it is quite natural from him to get angry when his trade is ridiculed and the politician population is lambasted. He has the right to protest. But the problem is he lacks the education to protest sensibly and intelligently. Politicians never had that amount of education anyway. Muscle power and money power is all you need. So after the Mumbai tragedy last week, the entire country has started blaming the politicians. This type of protest has never happened in our country before. We have protested in many issues but never was a politician called a Dog, a Cat, a Bastard, and a Terrorist so openly as it is been done in the streets now. As they say beware the fury of a patient man. The Goliath has awakened. The people are angry at the callous attitude of our politicians and the way they are governing the country, the way they are pushing their own personal agendas, the way they are selling the country for their own personal benefits, their own family benefits.

For the last few years politicians are sitting on the recommendations of the police reforms, judician reforms. They have taken no action in setting up a Federal Investigative Agency. The results are frightening: 190 dead and over hundreds injured in the Mumbai tragedy. After all how can you expect the Police to fight with defective bulletproof jacket and muskets (this rifle fires one shot at a time).

Now there are a lot of protest rallies going on against the corrupt politicians and candle light marches for expressing sympathy for the dead. Now this Naqvi cannot stand this. What the hell? How dare the people of India raise their voice so much and openly abuse the politicians. Naqvi is still in the colonist era, the era of “maai baap sarkar”, “ji hujur era. “ Seeing so many candle lights I guess he has gone mad. To prove his madness and his famous idiot mind he told that people should not blame the politicians. Instead they should blame the ISI. Instead of saying “politician murdabad” they should say “Pakistan murdabad”. Some ladies with makeup and lipstick lighting candles and wearing western clothes cannot be treated as the voice of India. Basically, he has taunted all of us, the thousands of people who lighted candles, came out to the streets to protest against the terrorist attack and saying to the politicians “enough is enough”. Naqvi desperately needs a kick in his butt to wake him up. By criticizing the Indian middle class and the elite, he has dug his own coffin. But this Muslim neta will play his minority card in vote and win again. Some bastards remain a bastard. This is one of that type. The day this fellow dies, India will be a little more clean. India will celebrate. Naqvi why don’t you consume some poison and die a dignified death. Otherwise you will keep ridiculing the people of India.

The internet is full of comments regarding Naqvi’s words. Some praising him, some calling him a dog. One of the comment, which made me think anyway is:

“These "lipstick and power girls" always care about their make-up and pack-up, but one question I was to shoot striaght away.....are these people who are conducting candle vigils have ever participated in voting? Do they know the name of their state/central ministers? Do they know how the country is doing? Do they read more than 2 Newspapers for more information?”

Whoever has wrote this in the forum is missing out some points. Knowing your ministers name is no good cause they are of no use. They are simply not interested. Regarding voting, well no candidate is worthy to stand in the elections. Your coice in vote is between a thief and a robber. Whom to vote? Well how the country is doing? Everybody keeps some information I guess. Please don’t be much worried about this. Just mind your own business. Reading newspapers? One good newspaper is sufficient I guess.

My sincere request to Naqvi: Enough is enough do something instead of giving gali to Indian citizens. Remember you are nothing without us. And we don’t want to see you begging in the streets with your blackmoney accounts freezed. I pity you Naqvi. Even you name stinks Naqvi. Keeps reminding me of a running nose.Naqvi murdabad!

The modern day Bhasmasurs!

My blog is not a political blog. It’s just the voice of an angry citizen who cannot see his country bleed. I strongly feel this UPA government is too much minority centric. They love the Muslims too much. I am not saying do not love the Muslims. I have few Muslim friends and they are good. They love India as much as I do. But there are few bad elements with narrow self interest. Now the UPA has failed to differentiate the Muslims. Between bad and good. They have failed to take the entire community in confidence. The vote bank politics is the most important thing for them.

Union HRD Minister Arjun Singh, known for his minority appeasement policies, created a flutter by extending support to Mushirul Hasan, the VC of Jamia Milia Islamia on the issue of legal support to arrested “terrorists”. Zia and Shakeel, students of Jamia Milia Islamia University were arrested by the Delhi Police. This was during the Batla House encounter.

Both Zia and Shakeel were involved in the serial blasts in Ahmedabad and Delhi and they belonged to Indian Mujahideen terror group. However, Jamia VC Mushirul Hasan announced legal support to the terrorists, saying that they are not proven guilty in the court of law. The funds used were form the college funds. Mushirul, under fire from several quarters, met Arjun Singh. Singh in turn went on to say that Mushirul’s move was in national interest.
Yes, people like Musirul Hasan live in India. People Like Arjun Singh live in India. The UPA government has become really in-effective because of an in-effective prime minister. Too old to even walk confidently and represent India in the global stage. Despite Supreme Court order, the fools at the UPA government did not hang the Parliament Atack mastermind, Afzal Guru. We canot expect much from this government. Let me put a little history in front of you from th Congress legacy and their efforts to rattle our India.

1. Mr. Jawaharlal Nehru - Partition and the genocide that followed, blunder of sleeping and dreaming of Hindi Chinee Bhai bhai.
2. Mrs. Indira Gandhi, for Promoting Bhindranwale and the terrorism of Khalistan. This was just for Political milage against Akali Dal.
3. Mr. Rajeev Gandhi and his Chamchas - Genocide against Sikhs which was just a personal revenge against his mother’s killers, Blunder of Promoting LTTE and then sending our troops on suicidal mission in Sri lanka, For Boforce scam.
4. Mr. Sharad Pawar (the present BCCI chief) for not controlling Mumbai Pogrom after demolition Babri masjid.
5. Mr. Narsimha Rao for so much corruption.
6. Mr. VP Singh for opening Mandal Pendora’s box which resulted in many deaths and still counting.
7. Mr. Arjun Singh and Mr Shivraj Patil, for continuing VP singh’s work and supporting Terrorists in India.

These persons deserved to die. If we look at history again, every person died a sad death, not a hero’s death. Some are yet to die but I believe they will do die shortly. The ones who have already died are Nehru (tragedy of 1962), Indira Gandhi (Khalistan), Rajeev Gandhi (LTTE).
All these politicians will soon face the tragedy of Bhasmasur. For the uninformed, Bhasmasur as per Hindu scriptures, was a person who prayed a lot to Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva got pleased with him and decided to grant him a boon. He requested to give him power to destroy anybody he wished. Lord Shiva granted his wish and told him that whenever Bhasmasur puts his hand on somebody’s head, that person will die. Bhasmasur kept destroying people. He became powerful and soon his lust for power made him to decide to finish Lord Shiva. Our Lord ran away to Lord Vishnu. Lord Visnu told him that Bhasmasur can only die if he puts his hand on top of his head. So Lord Vishnu took the form of a beautiful woman and seduced Bhasmasur. They started to dance and Lord Vishnu tricked Bhasmasur to put his hand on his own head. Bhasmasur was destroyed.
These politicians are all modern day Bhasmasur. All will meet their ends. All.

73 and still going!

Last two days have been the most horrifying days that India ever witnessed. The terror massacre in Mumbai that started on 26th November, 2008 has left us shocked. Sad. Angry. The nation was attacked and innocent lives were lost. Common citizens can only keep looking back in anger. This keeps happening every year. We are slowly getting used to it. The politicians lack the willpower to take the terrorists on.

For the last two days I have felt a strange feeling, which I have never witnessed before. It was like there is something which has got inside my body when I was sleeping. Now it was trying to burst me up. It set up control room in my heart and was trying to burst my lungs and heart. Some type of Fidayeen element I guess. I felt very heavy. I think the root cause was the anger and the frustration of not able to do something. Glued to the news channel, seeing the commandos and the NSG armed to teeth firing pumped me up. I felt patriotic. My drawing room became my battle ground. Sometimes I was squatting on the sofa, sometimes lying flat, sometimes crouched, sometimes moving towards the TV to get a closer view, sometimes looking through the door glass. Is anybody there? I was hooked to the entire operation. It frightened me and at the same time charged me up. I saw the real heroes of our nation, the security forces. Two weeks back I was reading somewhere that some politician has questioned the Army canteen’s excessive facilities. The questions I don’t remember properly but one was something like why should the Army fellows be given 24 eggs a month? What an ass who asks this type of a question. And in the form of Mr Amar Singh, Mr Raj Thakrey, Mr Shivraj Patil, Mr Venki Naidu, Behen Mayawati, Mulayam, and the other fools across all political parties, we have lot of idiots who possesses the skill and the audacity to question the credibility of the army and our security forces. Remember what Amar Singh’s comments were regarding Inspector Sharma’s death in the Batla House encounter.

There are few mothers, dead or alive who must be extremely vexed and sad to see their sons creating havoc on the nation. The mothers of the terrorists. And the mother of Mr Shivraj Vishwanath Patil. I guess all Indians know this old fellow. He is the Home Minister of our India. This fellow unfortunately was born on October 12, 1935, which makes him 73 years old. Instead of dying he is creating havoc on this nation. This idiot has held position for quite some time now. He was the Speaker of the 11th Lok Sabha and served Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi cabinets as the defense minister during the 80's. In the Manmohan, Oh forgive me, In Madam Sonia’s Government, this honorable Mr Patil is the Home Minister. Our Home Minister, My Home Minister. The person responsible for our internal security. The person responsible for protecting us, shielding us from the evil.

Despite repeated terrorist activities, this person manages to hold on to his office. Madam Sonia loves him. Her Baby. So she cannot say angrily “SHIIIVVVRAAAJJJJJJ”. Shivraj calls terrorists armed with AK-47s and strapped with RDX as “Brothers gone astray”. Mind the words “Brothers gone astray”. I do not say all Muslims are terrorists but 99% of the worldwide terrorists and the suspects are Muslims. So by saying “Brothers” he is appealing to the Muslim vote bank. During the recent blasts in Delhi I was hooked to the news channels as usual. And I noticed he has changed his dress thrice in the day. Where the hell he gets so much time when the Capital of India is attacked? Even one time there was a red rose in his coat pocket. Good dressing sense I must say. And notice the day when he chooses to show his dressing skills. In 2006, Mr Shivraj Patil told “terrorists have decided to use the sea route to infiltrate India”. The attacks in Mumbai on 26th November, 2008 was carried out by his “Brothers gone astray” and they followed their elder brother, Shivraj’s 2006 comment character by character. They came by the sea route. They love Shivraj, they are ready to die for him. And the NSGs made sure they died. Our Security advisers give lot of advice. But Shivraj is too old to listen I think. He should at once resign and then in public commit suicide. Or we can shoot him too in his groins. We can blast his balls. Viagra sells because of people like Shivraj. 73 and still going. Mumbai terrorists have been neutralized now. The operations are now over. Now is the time to look back and question. Heads will roll. Officers will be put to deck. There will be few casualties. And the obvious finger pointing at each other. BJP will say it’s all due to Congress. Congress will say BJP not allowing us to work in Malegaon blast case. But I am sure people like Shivraj will continue to hold office. 73 and still going. Long live the Viagra. The power of youth has possessed him. Just give him one more chance to perform. We will definitely see the power of balls. This time he will ejaculate. He will.

Give India a Barack Obama!

For the last two months all the Indian news papers and news channels had one thing in common: The US presidential election coverage. Even news specific to India with high relevance took a back seat. McCain or Obama: The debate continued. Finally US gave its decision. It was Barrack Obama. Now I been a common working honest Indian cannot decide what I will be gaining out of it. In fact in the news papers I read that Obama is going to create more jobs in the US. He will give companies tax breaks and other benefits to those companies who will not outsource jobs and instead keep the jobs in the US. Bad news for me as I work in an Indian IT company. The company thrives on outsourcing business. So I might lose my job. Besides, Mr Obama wants a quick resolution of Kashmir issue as the only way to give stability to Pakistan. That means once he is in power US will poke its nose in India more than required. Overall, the news I read related to him did not excite me much. So when I met my fellow Indians who were jumping up and down with excitement with Obama’s victory, I distanced myself. Some said he is the Harbinger of Hope. But hope for whom? Despite Obama’s victory nothing will be change in India. That old lady, Ms Sheila Dixit will continue to be the CM of Delhi. She will keep talking of development that is taking place in Delhi (I don’t see much). She will keep talking about the rising safety in the capital with smiling improvement in law and order. Two months back few bastards broke in to my house and took away my laptop and my wife’s jewelry. I think those fellows desperately wanted to show the public that the word “safety” if used for Delhi is a crime. Our FM will keep pepping up the market by saying India is doing great but he will not regulate the FIIs as desired. And the markets keep going down. Our old PM will keep talking about the reforms done and the ones needed, which were not getting underway due to the BJP. Despite having the brains to run this country he will always be in the “Yes Madam” mode. So, my country remains the same despite Obama. So no celebration for me.
A Few days later after Obama’s victory I was channel surfing when I caught him in CNN giving his Victory speech. I kept listening and soon I was mesmerized. How can a person speak so well? How can a person have that kind of eloquence and intensity? How can a person be so flawless? How can a person alone move a nation? The leader that I secretly cherished for the circus called “INDIA” was just in front of me, on TV. I listened to his speech till the end. Although I was some thousands of miles away from US, I was moved. This is the power of TV I guess. God knows why it’s called an idiot box? Here goes Obama’s speech. I got the text from the online edition of New York Times.

“Sixteen months have passed since we first stood together on the steps of the Old State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois. Thousands of miles have been traveled. Millions of voices have been heard. And because of what you said – because you decided that change must come to Washington; because you believed that this year must be different than all the rest; because you chose to listen not to your doubts or your fears but to your greatest hopes and highest aspirations, tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another – a journey that will bring a new and better day to America. Tonight, I can stand before you and say that I will be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States.
I want to thank every American who stood with us over the course of this campaign – through the good days and the bad; from the snows of Cedar Rapids to the sunshine of Sioux Falls. And tonight I also want to thank the men and woman who took this journey with me as fellow candidates for President.
At this defining moment for our nation, we should be proud that our party put forth one of the most talented, qualified field of individuals ever to run for this office. I have not just competed with them as rivals, I have learned from them as friends, as public servants, and as patriots who love America and are willing to work tirelessly to make this country better. They are leaders of this party, and leaders that America will turn to for years to come.
That is particularly true for the candidate who has traveled further on this journey than anyone else. Senator Hillary Clinton has made history in this campaign not just because she's a woman who has done what no woman has done before, but because she's a leader who inspires millions of Americans with her strength, her courage, and her commitment to the causes that brought us here tonight.
We've certainly had our differences over the last sixteen months. But as someone who's shared a stage with her many times, I can tell you that what gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning – even in the face of tough odds – is exactly what sent her and Bill Clinton to sign up for their first campaign in Texas all those years ago; what sent her to work at the Children's Defense Fund and made her fight for health care as First Lady; what led her to the United States Senate and fueled her barrier-breaking campaign for the presidency – an unyielding desire to improve the lives of ordinary Americans, no matter how difficult the fight may be. And you can rest assured that when we finally win the battle for universal health care in this country, she will be central to that victory. When we transform our energy policy and lift our children out of poverty, it will be because she worked to help make it happen. Our party and our country are better off because of her, and I am a better candidate for having had the honor to compete with Hillary Rodham Clinton.
There are those who say that this primary has somehow left us weaker and more divided. Well I say that because of this primary, there are millions of Americans who have cast their ballot for the very first time. There are Independents and Republicans who understand that this election isn't just about the party in charge of Washington, it's about the need to change Washington. There are young people, and African-Americans, and Latinos, and women of all ages who have voted in numbers that have broken records and inspired a nation.
All of you chose to support a candidate you believe in deeply. But at the end of the day, we aren't the reason you came out and waited in lines that stretched block after block to make your voice heard. You didn't do that because of me or Senator Clinton or anyone else. You did it because you know in your hearts that at this moment – a moment that will define a generation – we cannot afford to keep doing what we've been doing. We owe our children a better future. We owe our country a better future. And for all those who dream of that future tonight, I say – let us begin the work together. Let us unite in common effort to chart a new course for America.
In just a few short months, the Republican Party will arrive in St. Paul with a very different agenda. They will come here to nominate John McCain, a man who has served this country heroically. I honor that service, and I respect his many accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine. My differences with him are not personal; they are with the policies he has proposed in this campaign.
Because while John McCain can legitimately tout moments of independence from his party in the past, such independence has not been the hallmark of his presidential campaign.
It's not change when John McCain decided to stand with George Bush ninety-five percent of the time, as he did in the Senate last year.
It's not change when he offers four more years of Bush economic policies that have failed to create well-paying jobs, or insure our workers, or help Americans afford the skyrocketing cost of college – policies that have lowered the real incomes of the average American family, widened the gap between Wall Street and Main Street, and left our children with a mountain of debt.
And it's not change when he promises to continue a policy in Iraq that asks everything of our brave men and women in uniform and nothing of Iraqi politicians – a policy where all we look for are reasons to stay in Iraq, while we spend billions of dollars a month on a war that isn't making the American people any safer.
So I'll say this – there are many words to describe John McCain's attempt to pass off his embrace of George Bush's policies as bipartisan and new. But change is not one of them.
Change is a foreign policy that doesn't begin and end with a war that should've never been authorized and never been waged. I won't stand here and pretend that there are many good options left in Iraq, but what's not an option is leaving our troops in that country for the next hundred years – especially at a time when our military is overstretched, our nation is isolated, and nearly every other threat to America is being ignored.
We must be as careful getting out of Iraq as we were careless getting in – but start leaving we must. It's time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their future. It's time to rebuild our military and give our veterans the care they need and the benefits they deserve when they come home. It's time to refocus our efforts on al Qaeda's leadership and Afghanistan, and rally the world against the common threats of the 21st century – terrorism and nuclear weapons; climate change and poverty; genocide and disease. That's what change is.
Change is realizing that meeting today's threats requires not just our firepower, but the power of our diplomacy – tough, direct diplomacy where the President of the United States isn't afraid to let any petty dictator know where America stands and what we stand for. We must once again have the courage and conviction to lead the free world. That is the legacy of Roosevelt, and Truman, and Kennedy. That's what the American people want. That's what change is.
Change is building an economy that rewards not just wealth, but the work and workers who created it. It's understanding that the struggles facing working families can't be solved by spending billions of dollars on more tax breaks for big corporations and wealthy CEOs, but by giving a the middle-class a tax break, and investing in our crumbling infrastructure, and transforming how we use energy, and improving our schools, and renewing our commitment to science and innovation. It's understanding that fiscal responsibility and shared prosperity can go hand-in-hand, as they did when Bill Clinton was President.
John McCain has spent a lot of time talking about trips to Iraq in the last few weeks, but maybe if he spent some time taking trips to the cities and towns that have been hardest hit by this economy – cities in Michigan, and Ohio, and right here in Minnesota – he'd understand the kind of change that people are looking for.
Maybe if he went to Iowa and met the student who works the night shift after a full day of class and still can't pay the medical bills for a sister who's ill, he'd understand that she can't afford four more years of a health care plan that only takes care of the healthy and wealthy. She needs us to pass health care plan that guarantees insurance to every American who wants it and brings down premiums for every family who needs it. That's the change we need.
Maybe if he went to Pennsylvania and met the man who lost his job but can't even afford the gas to drive around and look for a new one, he'd understand that we can't afford four more years of our addiction to oil from dictators. That man needs us to pass an energy policy that works with automakers to raise fuel standards, and makes corporations pay for their pollution, and oil companies invest their record profits in a clean energy future – an energy policy that will create millions of new jobs that pay well and can't be outsourced. That's the change we need.
And maybe if he spent some time in the schools of South Carolina or St. Paul or where he spoke tonight in New Orleans, he'd understand that we can't afford to leave the money behind for No Child Left Behind; that we owe it to our children to invest in early childhood education; to recruit an army of new teachers and give them better pay and more support; to finally decide that in this global economy, the chance to get a college education should not be a privilege for the wealthy few, but the birthright of every American. That's the change we need in America. That's why I'm running for President.
The other side will come here in September and offer a very different set of policies and positions, and that is a debate I look forward to. It is a debate the American people deserve. But what you don't deserve is another election that's governed by fear, and innuendo, and division. What you won't hear from this campaign or this party is the kind of politics that uses religion as a wedge, and patriotism as a bludgeon – that sees our opponents not as competitors to challenge, but enemies to demonize. Because we may call ourselves Democrats and Republicans, but we are Americans first. We are always Americans first.
Despite what the good Senator from Arizona said tonight, I have seen people of differing views and opinions find common cause many times during my two decades in public life, and I have brought many together myself. I've walked arm-in-arm with community leaders on the South Side of Chicago and watched tensions fade as black, white, and Latino fought together for good jobs and good schools. I've sat across the table from law enforcement and civil rights advocates to reform a criminal justice system that sent thirteen innocent people to death row. And I've worked with friends in the other party to provide more children with health insurance and more working families with a tax break; to curb the spread of nuclear weapons and ensure that the American people know where their tax dollars are being spent; and to reduce the influence of lobbyists who have all too often set the agenda in Washington.
In our country, I have found that this cooperation happens not because we agree on everything, but because behind all the labels and false divisions and categories that define us; beyond all the petty bickering and point-scoring in Washington, Americans are a decent, generous, compassionate people, united by common challenges and common hopes. And every so often, there are moments which call on that fundamental goodness to make this country great again.
So it was for that band of patriots who declared in a Philadelphia hall the formation of a more perfect union; and for all those who gave on the fields of Gettysburg and Antietam their last full measure of devotion to save that same union.
So it was for the Greatest Generation that conquered fear itself, and liberated a continent from tyranny, and made this country home to untold opportunity and prosperity.
So it was for the workers who stood out on the picket lines; the women who shattered glass ceilings; the children who braved a Selma bridge for freedom's cause.
So it has been for every generation that faced down the greatest challenges and the most improbable odds to leave their children a world that's better, and kinder, and more just.
And so it must be for us.
America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love.
The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations. But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment – this was the time – when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.”
Speech Ends.
If you have read this speech completely, I think you are already charged up! I thank GOD for giving a person like Obama to the world. He might not do anything for the world. He might turn out to be a bad leader. But one thing I am sure, he is thousand times better than the fools like Lalu, Sonia, Mayawati, Karat, Advani….the list is endless. And it’s a pity we elect them and brand them as leaders.
When I was I school, I have read a lot of books which told that “India is our mother”. Then Mom why are you sleeping? Why don’t you tell your sons and daughters to behave? You have the authority to beat them, scold them. I know you can listen to me. I know you can feel the agony. Just like me I know you are also crying. Any mom will cry to see their sons turning disobedient and wicked. Please do something mom. They are in fact trying to divide you. Mayawati caters to only Dalits, rest of the people are not her concern. Raj Thakrey is beating the Non-Maharastrians. He caters only to the Marathis. Mr Mulayam Singh distributes Rs 100 notes to all in his election campaigns. So mom unless you do something soon you will be divided. India will be broken up in to different countries. And they will keep fighting. Soon the Chinese will occupy us. Soon the US will govern us. Pakistan will ridicule us. Bangladesh will irritate us. And you cannot blame Obama for this.
Mom this birthday I want a gift. For the last 26 years I have never asked for any gift from you. This time I want it. I know you have millions of sons and daughters, so it’s tough for you to cater to my wish. But please! Give India a Barack Obama!

Today was not like any other day !

Today was not like any other day!

Today was not like any other day! I had a holiday! A no work day that was forced upon me by the administration of my office. Rules are more important than productivity! India is still to come out of this mentality. The administration people of our office in general consist of people generally above 45 years of age. They have been with the company for the last 10 years or more than that. They have got the positions and fat pay packets. But when it comes to work, the most incompetent. Performance matters to all the associates of the company but not to them. Office is like a garden for them where they are always taking their pleasure walk and appreciating the beauty around. Well I know you are wondering why I am I just going on spewing venom at the administration guys! Well I have a strong point and here it goes.
It all started when my manager asked me to move to Noida office from Gurgaon office. The reason was that it will help me to work better as the person to whom I report and work with is based out of Noida. I have a wonderful manager and nothing was forced upon me. I was just told to give it a thought. My wife’s office is also in Noida. At that time we used to stay at Malviya Nagar. Both of us in general were spending two hours on an average travelling. It made perfect sense to shift to Noida. We stay in rented place and don’t own any house in Delhi. So for people like us, change is the only part of life which we have to constantly accept and both of us were good in accepting this. I told my manager that I am willing to shift. He took some time to shoot the necessary mails to the Admin guys. In the mean time a tragedy struck us. Our flat was robbed while both of us were in office. My laptop, wife’s jewellery and some other stuff were taken away. It no longer made sense to stay there as both of us were terribly afraid. In this huge megacity I and my wife are completely alone. No relatives, No parents. Both of us are from Kolkata. So we decided to no longer stay in flats which are in gallis and instead agreed to move to a flat which will have a proper security. We wanted to stay in a society. After lot of flat hunting we caught a good one in Noida. The society was in Kendriya Vihar Phase II. This society consisted of around 700 flats and had a good security along with parks and a small shopping complex inside. We shifted there. Now my wife’s office became a 30 minute journey while mine became a four and half hour affair. Soon it became an affair to remember. It took two hours to reach Gurgaon and two and a half hours to come back. Initially I was able to cope up but very soon I started feeling too much exhausted. I went and bought Revital.
A month passed like this. I travelled daily to Gurgaon. In the mean time my manager kept sending mails. He tried his best to get me a seat in Noida. Now to get a seat allocated in our company we need the regional admin head’s approval. Mail was sent to him. He took his own sweet time to reply. He told that for a seat one has to get ISU head’s approval and then seat would be allotted based on availability. ISU means something like divisional or practice head. The ISU head approved. My manager sent that approval mail to Delhi admin guys requesting for a seat allocation in Noida. I was marked in that mail. I was delighted. My affair with the road was soon going to be a thing of the past and very soon I will be able to lead a normal life. I thanked all the Gods, all the Stars. Whenever I saw any Temple during my journey back home, I offered my sincere thanks to the God who resided within that temple. I even thanked Jesus when I saw a Church. There was no Mosque so Allah missed the opportunity. I was a happy man.
I waited for few days for the admin guys to reply. But nothing arrived. In the very first I had told that when performance matters, these fellows are the most incompetent lot. After a discussion with Ankit, I decided to come directly to Noida office. Lot of seats remain vacant as people keep going onsite. Besides, the law of probability says that few persons will always be on leave on any given day. So getting a vacant seat is always a good possibility. I went to Noida office, occupied a vacant seat, logged in to the system and sent a mail to the local admin requesting for a seat. I worked in this office a year back, so the nervousness of visiting a new place was not there. After sending the mail I went to the admin person. He recognized me and gave a big smile. One year back this person was very ill and was admitted in Max hospital. I along with a friend went to the hospital to visit him. We shook hands and then I told him about the mail. He scanned the mail and then told that ISU head approval is there but where is the Delhi admin head’s approval? I did not tell him that it was already seven days that the ISU head’s approval has come and there was no response from Delhi admin head yet. Too busy to reply to a mail I guess! I told him politely that “Sir, I thought ISU head approval was only needed. Please arrange a temporary seat for me for the time been. In the mean time the necessary reply from Delhi admin head will come in”. He told me “There is not a single seat vacant in this office and how can I give you a seat?” I told him there were lot of unused seats and let me seat on one of them. But they have been allocated to different projects and those people may shout if you sit on somebody’s system. I was trying my best to persuade him politely. “Sir, I understand but can’t you please make an arrangement for just today. From tomorrow I will be going to my Gurgaon office as usual.” I requested. “No. Not possible. You please vacant the seat where you are seating and kindly go out of the office and sit in the reception. Please do not enter this office unless you are allotted a seat. You cannot go against the rule. Company policy does not allow this.” He was adamant. “Sir I just need a single seat and that too for just today.” “Not possible” was the reply I got. Even Ankit tried to plead with him but result remained the same. I called up the Delhi admin head. I told him about the mail that he has received around a week back from my manager. He remembered and told me that he will get back on that mail very shortly. “Shortly” is a highly misused term within the company. It means anywhere from a minute to a month. I thanked him with a smile. People say you should smile while speaking on the phone so I smiled. I remembered what my supervisor told me “Never get angry with admin or otherwise they will not help you”. I followed his word diligently. I came to the local admin and told him that I had a word with the Delhi admin heads’ office and they will send the approval shortly. “But I will not approve as there is a huge fight for seats here. There is no vacant seat. When he will ask me I will tell no. Try the other offices” Don’t you think these words could have been told in a better way? Here is an associate pleading for a seat and that too for just one day so that his work can continue. There stood a guy hell bent to disrupt. I have worked in the company for quite some time now and I know how seats get allocated and how things get done here. I went back to the seat where I had kept my bag. I shut down the system. Soon a security guard arrived and asked me my name. He told me to vacate the seat and go and sit in the reception area. Suddenly I felt myself like a terrorist. SIMI, Al-Qaida, Lasker-i-Taiba? Organization did not matter. I earnestly wanted to be one and blast the admin fellow. But at the end of the day it is our company. A company famous for job security and strict hierarchical control. At least among the administration and some other groups. Soon I was sitting in the reception with nothing to do. That guard who escorted me outside wore a satisfied look. He was successful in the operation. The terrorist associate has been successfully flushed out of the premises without bloodshed. It was a stellar performance. I called up my supervisor and updated him. He told me not to get angry and keep building pressure on them for the seat. It might take some time but it will get done. After all he has the experience and I always found it rewarding to follow the experienced guy’s advice in office. So I decided to take leave. Going to Gurgaon via public transport made no sense as it will take me nearly three hours to reach it. So working from home seemed the best option. I informed my supervisor and left for my home.
Friends, I know that I have committed a mistake. I should have informed the local admin before arriving. I should have taken the necessary approvals before. But I strongly feel there could have been a better way for handling this. Mr Rajnath Singh of BJP has accused Mr Rahul Gandhi of been a “Bachha”. A “Bachha” in politics. Rahul Gandhi in reply had told “Yes, I am bachha. I donot have the experience of Mr Rajnath Singh. I cannot think in the way the elder generation thinks. I do not feel in the way the elders feel. The fact is also that seventy percent of India’s population is also bachha”. Admin fellows, the baccha brigade are coming. We will rock you! My wife has put Pink Floyd in the music system.

(helicopter in background)
(beat)

When we grew up and went to school There were certain teachers who would hurt the children any way they could……We don’t need no education…Teachers leave them, kids alone.
I yelled along with the Pink Floyd, “Admin leave me alone. Hey Admin leave me alone!”


Note: Despite all this I still love my company. Few fellows cannot make it bring it down in my eyes. We will defeat you.

November- No sweaters plz!!

I always love the early weeks of November in Delhi. The weather becomes slight chilly, just perfect for me. Besides, almost every morning i can see both the sun and the moon co-existing together. A symbol for the secular India i guess.

My office bus arrives at 7.30 am and the early morning part is quite cold. You generally need a half sweater to keep the cold away. I wear a sweater when it’s cold outside. Some days I even take a muffler. Now I see lot of young people waiting for office buses wearing just a shirt. Even lots of girls do not wear a sweater despite the chill. Today I was observing quite a few of these without sweater type male characters. They were almost shivering but still the chest button was wide open. Whom they are trying to impress? Not wearing a sweater is a symbol of youth I guess. It’s not that they cannot afford a sweater. It’s because they feel wearing a sweater in November is not hip. Where is the cold? They enquire. In fact I have seen majority Delhites avoiding sweaters in November. I guess they all have very HOT blood. The other day in office one guy told “Seeing Sap one can sense that winter has arrived. Besides for Bengalis winter starts early”. That guy obviously was not wearing a sweater. After a couple of days that guy was coughing and sneezing like anything. Still he was without a sweater.
Well, different people, Different thoughts. I am just an observer.

Despite the Odds!

Today my office PC finally joined the revolution. It has suffered for long and today he simply broke down. Despite my best attempts, it refused to boot. Whenever I switched it on, the SMPS made a roaring sound as if a small desert cooler was running. The operating system did not load and the monitor remained black. I had some very important work to complete by EOD. So I rang up the IT guys in my office. These guys are called IDM in TCS. IDM told me to log a ticket and then revert back with the ticket number. I called them back and gave them the ticket no. The guy told me that it will be attended on a priority basis. Some Mr Kalidasan will attend to the issue shortly. It was 3.15pm at that time. I waited for around 15-20 minutes. It was a welcome break. I read the Hindustan Times paper and chatted with Saurav. My friend Saurav is hell bent for going onsite. India sucks! He desperately wants to go to the US and is constantly scanning the internal job postings. All I can do is to wish him all the best! Half an hour went by! No trace of Mr Kalidasan or any other IDM guy. I called them up again. No response. I called on alternate numbers. No response. Soon it was 4pm. I started losing my patience. Soon it was 4.30 pm, still no trace of IDM. I again called. This time I got lucky and caught one of the gang members on the other side. This guy was a polite one, not the typical Delhi type. He politely told me all the IDM guys were in a meeting. I asked him politely “When there is urgency what you guys do”. He had no reply. I asked him for Mr Kalidasan’s cell no. He did not provide it. Instead he tried to conference me with Kalidasan and his cell was not available. I was impressed. This was called bonding. Everyone has to cover the other person’s ass. This is the way battles are fought. United we stand, divided we fall. I asked him when the meeting is likely to end. He was not sure but emphasized that the meeting was on some critical issue. An associate cannot access his system for the last one and a half hour. This is critical. I tried to convince him but he told me politely that there is no one to attend as meeting is on. I kept the phone down. Saurav told terrorists have attacked India. They are capturing India running from pillar to post and the Army was busy in the strategy meeting. No doubt he compared the IDM with the army. TCS aspires to be a global top 10 company by 2010. Not sure how it will achieve this target with this kind of an army. At 5.30 pm I got lucky. The honorable IDM guy walked in with a big grin in his face. He opened the system and after doing some R&D he told me that there is some hardware issue. The service engineer will come tomorrow and my machine should work shortly. I thought he was the engineer. It was already getting late as my office bus leaves at 6 pm sharp. So I told him “please try your best” and I left for the day.

How is TCS doing so well despite having this worthless IDM brigade? Then I realized people achieve despite all odds. TCS is also achieving despite all the odds. I will have two options tomorrow. First option is not to work as I will be having no system officially. Second option is that I manage a system somehow and do my work despite all odds. I chose the second one. I think this second option is the reason millions of people are getting success despite all odds. My bus started running towards my home. Home! Sweet Home!

A Lesson!

A lesson!

This Sunday was quite a busy one for me. My wife invited some of our friends for lunch, so I had to go to the market in the morning to fetch Chicken. The nearest shop was closed, so I decided to walk down to the Bhangel market. It’s not far, just a 10 minute walk. I am growing fat day by day, so decided to walk instead of talking a rickshaw. As it was early morning, the road was quite empty with very few vehicles. I walked slowly. Few guys in front of me were walking very fast discussing the global meltdown. “This time possibility of a salary hike is nil. This fucking recession has fucked us fulltime yaar.” “Lot of firing is going on”. “You know yesterday a CEO was shot dead in Silicon Valley by a fired worker. That CEO was an IITian yaar.”
I slowed down my walking speed. The chit chat between the guys was quite alarming. I was forced to think about the safety of my job. Although I work in TCS but at the end of the day it’s also a private company built on the foundation of hire and fire. Hope I am not committing any crime by eating chicken today despite this awful recession! Please forgive me if I did.
The chicken shops in this place are very dirty. There are thousands of flies swarming the shops. After all, its free food for them minus the dignity of labor. One chicken down, hundreds of flies party on the leftover. There were about ten shops in a row, which one to visit. All looked the same. One among them looked a bit clean and had no customer. It was a Muslim owned shop, the Hallal type. For me it was not an issue. I told the shopkeeper to give a good stuff of one and a half kilo. “Hey Allah! Rehem kar”, the shopkeeper told. Throat slit, the chicken was thrown into a big bucket to die slowly. I looked at the other side. Killing is bad, and slow killing is worse. I know I will be accused of hypocrisy but there are thousands of non-vegetarians like me. Why single me out!
I also got Onion and Vinegar from the market. I called my wife to confirm if there was anything more she wants me to bring. Most wives have a habit of forgetting. Once the Husband comes back from the market, he is sent off again to bring something else which the wife forgot. I did not like to take any chances and therefore had a quick chat over the phone. I started to walk back. Thoughts of recession over griped my mind again. I tried to brush it off. Negative thoughts of any type are not good in this fresh morning. But sometimes you can’t help thinking.
Then the strange scene took place. On the footpath there was a congregation of some donkeys. I have always looked down upon donkeys. These animals always keep their heads down and constantly have a sad face. As if their entire life is a recession and a depression. One among them suddenly lied down and started rolling on the streets. All the others looked to him, shocked as if he has committed a blasphemy. The donkey was rolling and believe me, he was smiling. I could see all his teeth. They sparkled blessed by the morning sun. This rolling continued for a minute and then he quickly got up and made a funny sound. All the other donkeys gathered behind him and started following him. May be this is the way leaders are born. All you need is a quick roll, a sparkling charismatic smile, and you are the Barrack Obama of the streets. The donkey group went straight to the fields. I followed them for sometime but then suddenly realized I am following a group of donkeys. I took the street leading to my flat.

I took a big lesson from this donkey. This donkey was sent on this earth as a flag bearer of suffering, inferiority complex personified. Despite all the stakes stacked up against him, he decided to look and smile and look up to the sky. And the sky did not fall upon him. The sun blessed him with a radiant smile. Proximo, in the film Gladiator has told, “Ultimately, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, but…we can decide how we meet that end, so that we are remembered…as men.”
Just when I reached the society gate, I heard some people rushing towards the street shouting. I looked at them. They were trying to stop a car. Some people crowded against something lying on the street. No doubt, it was an accident. I too rushed at the spot. Pushing my way inside I was horrified. I couldn’t control my tears. People laughed at me but I simply couldn’t stop my tears. The donkey who dared to smile and look up to the sky was dead.

We will soon have e-authors!

Books, E-books—Now the e-author!
From the time Gutenberg invented the printing press, we have come a long way as far as evolution of books are concerned. Initially we had real big books, box type fully hard covered. Soon with improvement in printing technology and paper quality, the size of books became smaller and the weight became more and more light.
With the advent of computers, people slowly picked up the habit of reading online. Earlier people used to write letters, writing email is the norm today. Earlier we used to read books. The smell of a new book turned us on. Today we read eBooks. Reading is done on-screen. The screen can be of our laptop, desktop, palmtop, the list is endless. Books are published in electronic formats and are purchased digitally. eBooks have really taken the publishing industry by storm as its cheap, fast and easy to store. Although we do still care about books, e-books are the order of the day.
So we had the book and then the eBook. What next? Now this topic is worth debating. One thing is for sure books will not go beyond the electronic format and we already have the eformat. The delivery mediums might change. The way we read the eBooks may change. Now technology is always advancing and men will not be satisfied just by giving physical books an electronic makeover.
Technology is progressing rapidly. Inventions are getting reinvented in new avatars. Old has to make space for the new. So e-book has to make way for the new. What will eBook metamorphose into? Well, the possibilities are many. Soon we might have a device, which will have entire libraries stored inside. These can be connected to the internet and kept updated. Like other eBook readers it will narrate and display the text on-screen. This will not replace the e-book but can be seen as an extension of the eBooks.
Coming to our big question, what will eBook metamorphose in to? Well, we can soon see e-authors instead of eBooks. This will be a device with some high-end software, which will generate stories for us. All we have to do is to enter the genre, stories will get generated on a random basis. Today this concept may look far-fetched but soon we might have it. Gutenberg never imagined that his printing press will get transformed into Desktop publishing. So now we might think the concept of e-authors is a distant dream but the way software technology is progressing, this might soon be a reality. Soon we might see e-authors getting sold in the bookshops and other stores. People instead of buying Shakespeare’s dramas will buy Shakespeare, the dramatist. Based on our input, Shakespeare will create plays and sonnets for us.
Now till the time these e-authors arrive, we have to wait and be content with e-books. To those who think e-author is not simply possible, do not underestimate the power of humans. Let’s wait and watch.